I got an email from American Candidate, the television project I applied for. It looks as though every applicant who sent in all the required elements has been given a page on the show's site to set forth brief platform and issue statements. Which I've done. They also have a cursory blog, but only one entry shows on the front page, and updates - even edits -- take hours, even a day, to be vetted and posted by the web master. Changes to other elements of the page are similarly molassesesque.

It's strange -- I'm so used to instablogging. I'm also used to anonymity, and have felt very odd about the cyberexposure. Performng or speaking before any size audience doesn't faze me, nor, I think, would appearing on the show. It's specifically my stance on internet privacy (good) and readily accessible biographical information (bad) that's being challenged here.

Since the site is so cursory and I don't have the sort of control over layout and content I prefer, I've registered a domain for an expanded platform. Once I design it (very slow going here) and it's live, I'll blog it and hope some blog community friends do as well.

It's unclear to all of us prospective candidates whether garnering grassroots support or activity on their message boards will have an impact on the selection process. Clearly, this is airing on a mainstream media outlet, and, as excellent and high-minded as the show's concept and creators are, there will be "casting" for diversity, conflict, and that telegenic je ne sais quoi. I have been watching my audition video over and over, looking for that very je ne sais quoi, and finding myself less sparkly, funny, articulate, and attractive on each subsequent viewing. So I had to stop. Too late for second-guessing anyway.

It is interesting that in making the video, tech and continuity issues became so primary that I never stepped back and thought about whether I was successfully conveying myself. I also learned it's actually a craft to convey oneself; oddly, it's not automatic. I chose to do different riffs on the issues, using a local issue/national issue segue as I toured my neighborhood.

It all seems a bit dry and acontextual in retrospect. The outtakes and flubs and the part where I somehow segued from a local arts center closing to how the FCC sold the airwaves to media conglomerates and I was talking a mile a minute -- all got cut in favor of more measured takes. We did one segment in Tompkins Square Park in which I talked about being caught up in the Tompkins Square Riot of 1988 as I came out from waitressing at the Life Cafe, and about gentrification, the death of activism, and the police state. Unfortunately, the story was too long and would have taken up too much of the video, and I was bound and determined to get a range of locations in. But it was all extemporaneous, all in one six-minute take, and completely who I am: digressive, animated, specific. As we leave the park, you can hear me say, "I hope that's national enough. I just don't know anymore," in a slightly stressed and weary way, and it's funny. Should have kept that and shortened my somewhat generic and tedious stump speech.

The other candidates seem equally earnest, committed, and good-hearted. Some have leading issues, like sustainable agriculture or women's rights or drug legalization or free love, that set them apart. I suddenly feel like a dime-a-dozen, NPR bleeding-heart liberal. Maybe it's just the template format, making us all sound-bite-esque. I think I just have to trust in myself. Whether I'm chosen or not, I know from writing and performing that I have a unique voice, a distinct expression that really reaches people and lets them hear things they'd ordinarily be closed to. I'm subtle, gentle, and funny in a way that's the exact antithesis -- perhaps antidote -- to that stand-up one-liner zinger stuff that passes for humor in our culture. It would be great to see a candidate with that quality and level of communication on television. Hell, it might as well be someone -- why not me?

p.s. Anyone with some time on his or her hands would be welcome to help me design my campaign site. I'm concentrating on content, and I got dreamweaver and am baffled.

p.p.p.s. Feedback and advice on my platform are welcome; link to my email on left.